The men in my life...a sometimes refreshing source of common sense in this otherwise raging inferno of estrogen

NiNi often asks what words mean. It's fascinating to watch her little wheels turn to figure things out. It's also surprising sometimes the concepts that I assume she understands but really has no clue what I'm talking about. Like the other day Meagan was sleeping in and I said something about being lazy. NiNi asked, "What's lazy?"
Ethan has a jack-in-the-box that plays "Pop Goes the Weasel". Here is the conversation that ensued:

NiNi: "What's a weasel?"
Me: "It's an animal like a rat"
NiNi: "What does pop mean?"
Me: "You know, like he pops his head out of a hole"
NiNi: "Yeah, and then the monkey EATS him!"

I had no idea what she was talking about until I vaguely remembered that the rest of the song has something to do with a monkey chasing a weasel around some sort of table. Hilarious how quick-witted she can be!

Ethan is saying a few words! He says "Ut-oh" on his own and will imitate "hi" and "wow." Sometimes I think his "mamamama" really means "mom" now, as he will look at me intently when he wants something and shout "Ma!" I have also heard a few oral consonants lately "La" and "Da" which is encouraging since most of his sounds come out of his nose.

We had a little birthday get together with my side of the family for all the March birthdays...


Not Ethan's birthday, mind you, but he got an honorary cupcake anyway

Love it when I catch my mom genuinely smiling (and NOT trying to hide her teeth:)

Jumping on the trampoline

This is how I found him when I went in to wake him at 9:45am! Rough night I guess!

Grandma, Grandpa and their brood of grandkids

Race...the other four letter word

Before we had Ethan, no one ever doubted that we adopted from China. Two brown-haired, fair-eyed parents, one daddy-look-alike child and one Chinese child. And we quickly grew accustomed to the second glances in the grocery store, restaurants, park, etc. You know, the first glance is the one you give everyone who crosses into your line of vision. But the second look is a process of trying to racially size up a family. Not in a negative way, just out of curiosity, I guess. Ultimately it's how our brain works. We are constantly trying to find sameness...to fit unlike items into neat little categories. I find myself doing it to other mixed race families all the time. And, let's face it, anyone who has adopted trans-racially knows that when you sign those papers, you are also signing up to forever be a walking billboard for adoption. This is not a bad thing but it can get wearisome at points. Another reason for the stares...I think that my children are particularly beautiful and people tend to stare at beautiful children. It wasn't until we brought Ethan home that I came to grips with my deeper emotions on the subject. NiNi and Ethan started a gymnastics class several weeks ago. It is Tuesday mornings on my day off...so daddy is at work and Meagan is at school. It's the first situation where people only know me and the Chinese contingency of our family. Ethan's class is a "mommy and me" class so I chat with the other moms quite a bit. Right away I noticed something was different: No probing looks, No adoption comments. And I seemed to be oddly included in discussions relating to pregnancy, birth and babyhood. Interesting. Then it hit me, everyone assumed that NiNi and Ethan were biologically related and my husband must be Chinese. After all, as my Asian friends like to tell me, that Asian gene is strong. Even if your great-great grandma was Chinese your kid could come out looking like he just immigrated. So, then it happened. We were discussing Ethan's small size and someone asked, "Was he a preemie?" Um....I paused, I stammered, then, as if on cue, Ethan darted off and I had to run after him. By the time I sauntered back over, the conversation had drifted to the housing market or something like that. But I couldn't get the interaction out of my head. Why didn't I want to tell the truth? Why didn't I just say, "Oh, he's adopted, I have no idea if he was a preemie!"
Probably for a couple of reasons. One, there is certainly a component of grief in adoption. Let me
first say that I positively love all of my children equally. Still, the stark reality is that with my adopted children, I was not the first to hold them, smell them or kiss them. And that is sometimes painful. I missed out on so much of their babyhood....especially those newborn months when they are so fragile and completely dependent. Actually it really sucks. Two, I think our society is not yet always accepting that adoption is a valid way to build a family. I'll never forget talking with a patient in the nursing home where I used to work. She was in her 80's and I asked about her children. I'll never forget her response, "I have one son....well TWO, but one's adopted." Now granted we've come a long way since this mis-guided woman formed her views on adoption, but not so far. I think there is a part of me that fears, if I let on that Ethan is adopted, this will somehow de-validate to others our mother-child relationship. Because I did not physically give birth to him that I am some kind of mother-impostor. I don't know the answers to any of this. And I'm sure that it will occur to my gymnastics moms at some point that I am not my son's biological mother. But, is it wrong to enjoy the anonymity? To fade into the wood work and be the same as everyone else for awhile? Probably,
but it's where I'm at.

More NiNi on prayer

This morning I said a prayer with the kids on the way to school and daycare. When I finished NiNi said, "Mom that was pretty good...you get a 5" (as in rating on a scale from 1-10) I said, "What do I need in order to get a 10?" She said, "You get a 10 when it's more shorter."

This is interesting to me since several months ago, short prayers got the low score. In fact I remember getting zeros on a few occasions when I only prayed about 1 or 2 things. How can I get a good score when the criteria keeps changing?

Water Table

Ethan has discovered playing in the water table...kept him occupied for almost an hour today (which, if you know him personally, you will agree that this is nothing short of a miracle) I apologize in advance for the pink coat!





Other random pictures:

Watching TV ("Ahhhh...this is the life")


Love that smile

Happy 10th birthday to my beautiful, tender-hearted, funny, smart, and incredibly talented daughter. The day you were born was one of the happiest moments of my life!

March is always a bittersweet month for me. Four years ago at this time we were eagerly anticipating the call that our travel approval had arrived to adopt Mayah. Instead, we got a very different phone call. She started having trouble breathing just after dinner on March 22nd, was taken to the hospital, and died that same evening. No other details, except that her foster family was grieving bitterly for her. I remember driving home from work in a daze after our agency called. I remember meeting Chris at home, and him sobbing on our bed. I remember us taking a walk in our neighborhood, crying out to God...and praying for the right words to tell our kindergartner that her sister had died. I also think about heaven and how much more "real" it is to me now. I'm thankful for that. This time of year reminds me of her...the daffodils peeking through the dirt, the rain, the earthy smell of spring. And in many ways, wanting March 22nd to come and go quickly. It shouldn't be odd to me (but it is) that no matter how many children I have, there is still this sense that there was supposed to be one more. And this fundraiser that happens each year...sure it helps a few kids, but I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I do it for myself. It's therapeutic. It forces me to think about her, to say her name, to write her name, and to even talk about her from time to time. It's soul-soothing.

If you get a chance, check out the new look to our blog HERE. My friend Deb designed a logo for us which I feel captures the essence of all this perfectly and beautifully. Then Nikki at Blogs for Cause gave the blog a make-over. Oh yeah, and don't forget to check out the cutie we are sponsoring this year.