Adoption and Birthday party

Finally got around to officially celebrating Ethan's adoption...5 months after the fact! We decided to just hold off until his 2nd birthday and throw one humdinger of a party. The rain held off the entire day (thanks to the fervent prayers of my 5-year-old). We rented a bounce house and had about 40 people in and out of our home throughout the day. Ethan bounced from 10-5 with nothing but Doritos and cake fueling him along. Having gone the whole day sans nap, by 5:30 he was nodding off in his dinner plate, opened his presents and then crashed into bed at 6pm. We are feeling especially thankful for our amazing friends and family who rejoice with our victories (not to mention sharing in our sorrows). But no sorrows this day...just one happy boy getting to know what it feels like to be the center of attention:)


Loving his new bubble mower (not sure why his pants are missing)


Dad squeezing (literally) into the bounce house




Cousin baby Quinn, who, at 8 months may soon surpass Ethan in weight:)









NiNi and Leah


The "sand" is oatmeal and rice(dyed blue) in case you're wondering. The birds love us and sneak in for a bite when we're not around



Our sweet friends Kathy and Mikella

First big owie

Ethan took a trip down our pretty steep driveway on his ride-on toy. He was squealing with delight the entire way down...until he dove off head first onto the curb. He got a pretty good scrape from forehead to nose. Now he looks the part of "all boy!"

Happy Mother's Day

I have grown to value my mom more and more as I grow older. I suppose this is the case for many women my age. Several years ago we had some hard talks, her and I. Talks that really could have permanently damaged our relationship, but instead I believe made it stronger. My mom is an amazing woman. She was a single mom for a good part of my childhood and worked in a factory...at one point had a job where she wound wire around a spool for 8 hours a day, which made her finger tips raw. She did not use the welfare system because she always assumed that there must be someone else who needed it more that she did. To this day I have no idea how she supported herself and 2 kids on a minimum wage salary. Her mom, my maternal grandmother, lived in an orphanage from the time she was 9 years old. Her parents left her there to go find work during the depression and never came back. She was never adopted but aged out of the orphanage and started a new life for herself. I come from a long line of women who are tough as nails. Sometimes I fear that I have lost some of the grit passed down to me. I complain about working part time, I complain that our house is small, I complain that our printer is on the fritz. A function of living in this very sanitized suburb I suppose. But thinking about my mom this mother's day makes me want to renew my resolve to pass these qualities onto my daughters. Qualities like selflessness...working tirelessly for something because it's the most important thing in your life, integrity...doing what's right even when it hurts or makes you look like an idiot, humility...remembering that none of us really deserve or have "rights" to anything, simplicity...not insisting on the biggest and best of everything (even if you can afford it) and of course unconditional love...loving someone even when they are unlovable or give little in return. Admittedly this is quite a tall order and I can think of more failings than victories in each one of these areas. But in the midst of the daily grind, it helps to remember what it is we're fighting for.

Spring Break

Just now getting around to posting pictures of our vacation. We went to Destin, FL...not a huge tourist attraction, but happens to be one of the shorter drives to a coast of any kind for us sad northerners. We got a nice VRBO condo that was across the street from the beach..and heated pool access when we got too much sand in our shorts. Blue skies and warmish all week. We most mostly hung out around the water but did venture out to the local over-priced aquarium. A great family vacation. It's still a lot of work to take Ethan anywhere and this week proved to be no different. If he wasn't eating sand, he was rubbing it into his eyes, throwing things over the balcony railing, terrorizing the nick-knacks, and for his final escapade...wrote in blue ink all over the condo's white recliner. Why anyone would have a white recliner, I'll never know. By some miracle, I was able to get up all but a few faded scribbles with a wet rag and dish soap. Chris and I are already fantasizing about another beach vacation...sans kiddos (shhh!)




Tasting sand for about the 5th time that day...not sure what the appeal was


NiNi, sporting a brand new gaping hole where her recently loose tooth used to belong


Just happened to be vacationing down the street from our good friends and fellow adoptive family, the Randalls

Take #1

Take #2

Take #3

best out of 4

Family Portraits

Old habits die hard

Seems like I have been sharing a lot of deep thoughts on adoption lately. I'm not usually so heavy, but for some reason I feel like my perspective has changed with this newest addition...one newly adopted child and one who is finally old enough to give us tiny glimpses into what she is thinking and feeling. I try to be mindful of not blogging about things that, in the future, the kids could feel violate their privacy in any way. I suppose this post may be pushing the envelope a little. I felt like I was somewhat prepared for the emotional issues my kids may have before we embarked on adoption, but I am realizing that I did not really come to grips with the fact that these issues may last well beyond the initial adjustment period. Intellectually I knew it, but as with all things, out of sight, out of mind. With NiNi, these issues are very much back in sight. She has always had some anxiety when it comes to food. When we first brought her home, she hoarded food, dug food out of the trash and generally ate each meal like it may be her last...not uncommon behavior for internationally adopted children. She also had more of the physical symptoms of malnutrition...brittle hair, boils on her body, abnormal labs, etc. In the first 6 months she was home, she gained a pound a month and in no time looked as plump and healthy as any other 2-year-old little girl. I really believed that the food woes were behind us. When she was about 3, she saw a picture of herself in the orphanage and freaked out. She started ripping up the picture, then proceeded to pull several other similar pictures out of the album and rip them as well (which I allowed her to do because I had digital copies of them). She was even able to share with me some sketchy pre-adoption memories. Mind you, she was 16 months old when we adopted her. It is almost unbelievable to me that she could have any memories at this age, but she clearly did. As she got older we realized that she was the kind of kid that needed to eat often, which we attributed to low blood sugar. Recently we have noticed a dramatic increase in negative behavior...mainly tantrums (the 30-45 minute, inconsolable, full-body, kicking, screaming, thrashing around until you fall asleep variety). It did not occur to me until I was describing this to a friend that 90% of these occurred when she was hungry. Sometimes we were busy running around and be late on lunch, or she would sleep in past her usual breakfast time and wake up ravenous, or she'd want a mid-day snack and I did not immediately produce one. I mean, my other kids have thrown fits, but these are in a league of their own and her reaction not at all in proportion to the "unjustice" done to her, if you know what I mean. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that her brain is hardwired differently...that she associates the feeling of hunger with her experiences in the orphanage. Maybe part of her still believes she may starve and this produces some kind of primal survival response. Hogwash? Maybe, but the tantrums have been reduced by more than half since we've begun operating under this assumption. Recently we started allowing her to keep snacks in her bedroom or in her pocket, having breakfast on the table BEFORE she wakes up in the morning, and when she says, "I'm hungry" we try to take it very seriously. The funny thing is, after all the drama, she sometimes does not even eat the food, or only nibbles on it. I think it's just comforting for her to know it's available. If I could reason with her, I would say, "Have we ever let you go without food? Don't we take good care of you? Don't you know how much we love you?" But this is deep stuff, and it has made me more vigilant with Ethan. For example, is he just naturally super-charming, or is this a skill he learned to curry favor with the nannies. I find myself asking the question, "What is he really telling me?" more and more. I think we owe that to our adopted children. I do believe that love heals all wounds, but the healing process may take an entire lifetime.

A few funnies

Meagan had a fundraiser at school about which she had forgotten. The night before the money was due, she conned her sister (who still firmly believes that shiny money is more valuable than paper money) into "donating" the entire contents of her piggy bank. Oh the depths of sisterly kindness.

NiNi is suddenly interested in people getting married and often asks if so and so will have a husband or get married and KISS. She asked me the other day, "Mom, do you love your laminator?" (I am often saying this aloud when I use it for work) I replied, "Yes, I love it." She said, "Are you going to marry it?" I said, "I can't, I'm already married to daddy." NiNi suggested, "Well, you could sneak marry it." (Sneak is her new favorite word...she is fascinated with the idea that you can do things and no one knows about it). I said that, no, I did not want to marry my laminator. She said, "Yeah, because it doesn't have any lips."

NiNi is trying to find more sophisticated terms for her bodily functions. The other day she said, "Ut oh, a gas pass"

NiNi was mixing up a concoction of water, dirt and dandelions to feed her baby. We overheard her saying, "Here, baby, take your medicine. It has protein in it so you will have low blood sugar"

I drink tea every morning and Meagan has recently developed a taste for it too. I was making some for us the other day and said, "Meagan, here's your tea...it's almost done steeping." Meagan said, "Ohhhhh, Mom! Steep??? Is that your new cool vocabulary word?" My children think I'm an idiot.

NiNi: "I can't wait until I'm a grown up so I can boss around my kids."