Moving

I had planned on this being a laid back summer...kick back at the pool, chill out with the kids, do some day trips.  Nope.  As if we don't have enough going on, we decided at the last minute to buy and sell a house this summer.  Our original thought was to test the waters...put our small ranch on the market for 6 weeks or so and see what happens.  Much to our surprise, someone put an offer on it in less than a day!  By 10pm that evening we had a purchase agreement and 5 days after that we bought a new house.  We can't do anything slowly around here.  We prefer the high intensity, hair-raising, blood boiling route.  More exciting that way.  So the new house is less than 20 minutes from our old place but almost double the space.  The kids will be changing schools, but will actually be a little closer to some of their good friends.  And we plan on this being our last move for a long time (God willing).  So now we're heading to San Antonio for a little vacation and will have about 2.5 weeks to pack once we get back.  Piece of cake, right!

Daddy's boy

Ok so 38-months-old is my absolute cut off for nakey-nakey pictures.  Beyond that it is, well, just weird.  So this one just barely makes it in.  I think Ethan and dad were both contemplating some new organizational scheme for the shed.  Don't ask why he is naked, though.  I guess potty training has given him the new-found freedom to remove his pants anytime he likes....and sometimes he just prefers to go without.  Apparently footwear is not considered optional clothing.  He is becoming quite the daddy's boy.  When Chris gets out the mower, Ethan runs to get his bubble mower.  And "mows" for the entire hour.  It may actually be the longest that he focuses on any one activity.  He also seems to have an interest in the way things work and carries around his tools to "fix" things.  It would be nice to have at least one person in the family who is mechanically inclined!

Let them eat pop tarts!

You might say we have always tended to be more authoritarian in our parenting style.  Obey the first time, absolute and unconditional respect for authority, and (unfortunately) less emphasis on grace.  And I think the vast majority of evangelical Christians have a similar approach.  Because there is nothing more un-Christian-like than having bratty kids.  And I would tend to agree with this notion, if all of our spanking, grounding, and demands for obedience had actually produced more respectful kids.  Now don't get me wrong, I have great kids, but I would not say they are the "fall in line" type.  Obedience is important but is it really the ultimate goal of our parenting?  The other day, Meagan and I had an argument about pop-tarts.  I like for the kids to eat healthy.  They like to eat junk food.  We were at the store and Meagan really wanted some chocolate fudge frosted pop-tarts.  After a 5 minute lecture on the evil and not-even-breakfast-like qualities of pop tarts, I reluctantly agreed to compromise and get her the fruit-filled, unfrosted ones.  "How about fruit-filled with frosting on them?" she asked.  No.  No frosting.  "But I don't even like strawberry."  Too bad.  Strawberry it is.  No frosting.  In the cart, through the checkout, silence during the van ride home, and back to business as usual.  As I reflected on it later, I thought, God would have bought her the darn chocolate pop tarts.  He loves giving us gifts.  In fact the Bible says he at times lavishes them upon us, seemingly without fear of spoiling us.  He tells us we are special and loved, even though that might go to our head.  He lays out his commands but forgives us when we blow it.  Which, if you're me, happens several times a day.  God makes the relationship his top priority.  What a great dad.  He takes a risk that if he speaks tenderly to us, loves us, draws us in, melts our hearts....that we will want to obey him.  But won't people take advantage of all that grace and disobey anyway?  Yes.  But God never changes his stance.  I believe because relationship is still the strongest and most lasting motivation for obedience.   Makes me want to parent that way.  As I once heard someone say, someday your kids will be too big to spank and your relationship is all you'll have.  Ultimately I want my kids to feel like they were the most important thing to me...not my to do list, not my job and certainly not what's on the breakfast menu. 

Summer misc.

Hot Wheels exhibit at the Children's Museum

Loving his new inflatable pool

NiNi found a nest with baby birds in one of our trees.  This was as close as we could get without disturbing them but you can see their little beaks sticking out

Grandma laid down with Ethan to help him fall asleep and this is what happened.

Jason was in town for Grandma Smith's 60th so we got a picture (first ever, I think) of the 3 boys, wives, and grandkids. 

Half naked and packing a pistol....all he needs is a beer in the other hand

NiNi trying to look fierce.  The pink cowboy boots are a little bit of a give away though.

Awwww...my two little red-necks.  They get it from my side of the family:)

Connected

Can't really think of a better word to describe the changes we are seeing with NiNi.  When I think back to our first few months together the changes seem even more profound.  NiNi has always avoided eye contact.  When we first adopted her, she often used her arm to shield her eyes when people tried to look at her. For the past 5 years, when she has looked at us, she's not really looking.  I used to call it "exotic" or "pensive" or "dreamy" or just simply "the look."  It was like she was looking through me or with a gaze that was just about 10 degrees off.   Now we know it was just her way of "going somewhere else."  I did a quick search of some old pictures which illustrate the point perfectly (it took me less than 5 minutes to find these which tells you how many there were to choose from).

With my sister about 6 months post adoption

Very newly adopted.  This was her look almost 24 hours/day for a good 2 weeks

2 years post adoption.  She's just never quite "in the moment"

About 1.5 years post adoption

Last November.  Here she is a little less subtle...just covering her eyes with a piece of paper

This had become a very common look for her in pictures.  In fact I would say that in many of the pictures taken over the past 6 months she is grinning so hard her eyes are closed. 

I can't even tell you how much she has changed in the past 9 weeks.  I think we finally "get" her and she knows it.  And as a result she can finally relax.  I am sure we still have a ways to go, but I feel like I have my little girl, possibly for the first time.  Instead of silently waking up in the morning and busying herself in her room for hours, she sleepily finds her way to human contact soon after her feet hit the floor.  Connected.  Instead of lying about the riduculously obvious, she at times will come clean all on her own accord.  Connected.  Instead of keeping me near but always at arm's length, she has figured out that mom's lap is one of the best places on earth to be.  Connected.  In many ways we are discovering eachother for the first time.  She plays with my hair, smells my skin, and gives a steady stream of kisses and hugs (this is all new behavior for her).  She enjoys being carried on my hip, much the way a toddler does.  I enjoy it too, just wish my back were a little younger and a little stronger!   I love the picture at the top of this post.  She is completely engaged and genuinely enjoying the attention and our relationship.  There are still rough days but those are becoming fewer... and most importantly, I am getting glimpses of a happy, playful 6 year old girl who loves her momma.  And that is exactly where we want to be!

Progress...

Lots to write about, but no time to blog. I did however want to post some of NiNi's artwork.  Here is a picture she drew several weeks ago...it is a tornado and people are either flying around in the air or stuck on top of a tall building.  She told me she is the tiny person at the very top.  Even though she has great fine motor skills, I had become very accustomed to seeing drawings that were a mass of scribbles, or people with the faces scribbled out.

Here is another self portrait she did in class from earlier in the school year.  This is her shirt and pants.  Those are bow-ties all over her clothing.  But notice something is missing?  She told me, "I asked the teacher if it would be ok to draw myself without a face and she said that was fine."

And now...for the piece de resistance.  This is a picture she brought home from school today.  I teared up a little when I saw it.   This is the first time she has ever drawn herself with brown skin.  And she is smiling. Not faceless, not flying around in a tornado.  Oh, and the other person in the picture (who was drawn with peach skin I might add) is her friend from recess (she has only recently started talking about "friends at school").

Call it what you will, but I call it progress:)

Birthday Boy

Ethan and Quinn

Intently assembling his new train track