Reuter Family: Home at last

I can't even express how good it is to be home. We are so in love with Ethan but the trip and whole adoption experience this time around was a tough one. For starters it was LONG. Only 3 days longer than when we picked up NiNi, but felt like 3 weeks longer. And Meagan was having such a hard time. Much of the time we talked on the phone with her she was weepy. Talk about feeling helpless. Then I would hang up the phone and cry myself. I was physically ill much of the trip. Dizzy, no appetite. I kept telling Chris that I felt like the floor was moving...like maybe the hotel was swaying slightly in the wind. Except no one else was feeling it. Felt like I was sea sick the entire trip. I think I had an inner ear thing going on from all the flights. The most challenging part was just adjusting to toddlerhood again. Ethan is different in every way from NiNi. With NiNi, our first few weeks together she was clingy and subdued. She was really grieving the separation from her nanny as they shared a special relationship. Ethan did not seem to grieve at all. Even when we visited his orphanage he was like "See ya, I'm outta here!" There are of course pros and cons to each response, but the biggest thing that we noticed with Ethan was that he did not seem to have ever had any sort of structure, discipline or strong emotional bond with anyone. He snatches toys, hits, shoves kids down. Does not matter if the other kids is twice his size. No social skills whatsoever. Survival skills in an orphanage environment, I know, but still something that we're going to be dealing with for awhile. And to him, we were just a source of food and entertainment...just two more caregivers in his life. Although we are making progress everyday, in many ways this is still the case. I never realized how much soothing and feeding were such a huge part of the bonding process...and with Ethan we felt like we could do neither very well. Ethan is pretty delayed in his eating/feeding skills. At 19 months he still pretty much only eats baby food and drinks from a bottle. At the orphanage he ate rice congee (a sort of boiled down rice soup) every day. When we would try to put something solid in his mouth he'd just spit it out. Eating at restaurants and out of a hotel room for 3 weeks, there were times that we could just not find anything to eat that he liked. It was very stressful knowing he was hungry but not having anything to give him. Also, his sleeping problems were and continue to be an issue. We have not had a continuous nights sleep since we got him. I tell people that it feels very much like the disorienting sleep deprivation of having a newborn. He sleeps at most a few hours at a time and then wakes up screaming...and not a hungry cry but a mad and inconsolable cry. By 2 am he is usually in bed with us out of desperation. We have tried letting him cry himself to sleep and sometimes that works, but then he still wakes again after a few hours. It's tricky because letting him scream alone in his bed for prolonged periods of time is not good for the bonding either. Just wish we knew what was going on in that little brain of his. I guess I have a touch of post-adoption blues you might call it. Even so, we feel very blessed to have this exquisite little creature, and the joys totally outweigh the challenges. He is funny, charming, delightful, smart and curious. There is really something special about him. Seriously, he is like a people magnet.It was really cool watching him explore his new room. He had obviously never seen so many toys and he systematically picked up each one, examined it and problem solved it before moving on to the next one. And he has made progress even in the 48 hours we've been home. Trying new foods, showing a little bit of stranger anxiety, etc. I have to remember that this whole experience has been the most traumatic thing thus far in his little life and that in 6 weeks he will very likely be a totally different kid. The girls are thoroughly enjoying having a live doll to play with. Ethan has immediately taken to Meagan like she is a little mama. He will lift up his arms for her to carry him around. NiNi is having a little bit of a harder time. More emotional and feeling a little left out. Thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes from everyone. We are feeling it and are very grateful for the love and support from so many.