Connected

Can't really think of a better word to describe the changes we are seeing with NiNi.  When I think back to our first few months together the changes seem even more profound.  NiNi has always avoided eye contact.  When we first adopted her, she often used her arm to shield her eyes when people tried to look at her. For the past 5 years, when she has looked at us, she's not really looking.  I used to call it "exotic" or "pensive" or "dreamy" or just simply "the look."  It was like she was looking through me or with a gaze that was just about 10 degrees off.   Now we know it was just her way of "going somewhere else."  I did a quick search of some old pictures which illustrate the point perfectly (it took me less than 5 minutes to find these which tells you how many there were to choose from).

With my sister about 6 months post adoption

Very newly adopted.  This was her look almost 24 hours/day for a good 2 weeks

2 years post adoption.  She's just never quite "in the moment"

About 1.5 years post adoption

Last November.  Here she is a little less subtle...just covering her eyes with a piece of paper

This had become a very common look for her in pictures.  In fact I would say that in many of the pictures taken over the past 6 months she is grinning so hard her eyes are closed. 

I can't even tell you how much she has changed in the past 9 weeks.  I think we finally "get" her and she knows it.  And as a result she can finally relax.  I am sure we still have a ways to go, but I feel like I have my little girl, possibly for the first time.  Instead of silently waking up in the morning and busying herself in her room for hours, she sleepily finds her way to human contact soon after her feet hit the floor.  Connected.  Instead of lying about the riduculously obvious, she at times will come clean all on her own accord.  Connected.  Instead of keeping me near but always at arm's length, she has figured out that mom's lap is one of the best places on earth to be.  Connected.  In many ways we are discovering eachother for the first time.  She plays with my hair, smells my skin, and gives a steady stream of kisses and hugs (this is all new behavior for her).  She enjoys being carried on my hip, much the way a toddler does.  I enjoy it too, just wish my back were a little younger and a little stronger!   I love the picture at the top of this post.  She is completely engaged and genuinely enjoying the attention and our relationship.  There are still rough days but those are becoming fewer... and most importantly, I am getting glimpses of a happy, playful 6 year old girl who loves her momma.  And that is exactly where we want to be!