Let them eat pop tarts!

You might say we have always tended to be more authoritarian in our parenting style.  Obey the first time, absolute and unconditional respect for authority, and (unfortunately) less emphasis on grace.  And I think the vast majority of evangelical Christians have a similar approach.  Because there is nothing more un-Christian-like than having bratty kids.  And I would tend to agree with this notion, if all of our spanking, grounding, and demands for obedience had actually produced more respectful kids.  Now don't get me wrong, I have great kids, but I would not say they are the "fall in line" type.  Obedience is important but is it really the ultimate goal of our parenting?  The other day, Meagan and I had an argument about pop-tarts.  I like for the kids to eat healthy.  They like to eat junk food.  We were at the store and Meagan really wanted some chocolate fudge frosted pop-tarts.  After a 5 minute lecture on the evil and not-even-breakfast-like qualities of pop tarts, I reluctantly agreed to compromise and get her the fruit-filled, unfrosted ones.  "How about fruit-filled with frosting on them?" she asked.  No.  No frosting.  "But I don't even like strawberry."  Too bad.  Strawberry it is.  No frosting.  In the cart, through the checkout, silence during the van ride home, and back to business as usual.  As I reflected on it later, I thought, God would have bought her the darn chocolate pop tarts.  He loves giving us gifts.  In fact the Bible says he at times lavishes them upon us, seemingly without fear of spoiling us.  He tells us we are special and loved, even though that might go to our head.  He lays out his commands but forgives us when we blow it.  Which, if you're me, happens several times a day.  God makes the relationship his top priority.  What a great dad.  He takes a risk that if he speaks tenderly to us, loves us, draws us in, melts our hearts....that we will want to obey him.  But won't people take advantage of all that grace and disobey anyway?  Yes.  But God never changes his stance.  I believe because relationship is still the strongest and most lasting motivation for obedience.   Makes me want to parent that way.  As I once heard someone say, someday your kids will be too big to spank and your relationship is all you'll have.  Ultimately I want my kids to feel like they were the most important thing to me...not my to do list, not my job and certainly not what's on the breakfast menu. 

Summer misc.

Hot Wheels exhibit at the Children's Museum

Loving his new inflatable pool

NiNi found a nest with baby birds in one of our trees.  This was as close as we could get without disturbing them but you can see their little beaks sticking out

Grandma laid down with Ethan to help him fall asleep and this is what happened.

Jason was in town for Grandma Smith's 60th so we got a picture (first ever, I think) of the 3 boys, wives, and grandkids. 

Half naked and packing a pistol....all he needs is a beer in the other hand

NiNi trying to look fierce.  The pink cowboy boots are a little bit of a give away though.

Awwww...my two little red-necks.  They get it from my side of the family:)

Connected

Can't really think of a better word to describe the changes we are seeing with NiNi.  When I think back to our first few months together the changes seem even more profound.  NiNi has always avoided eye contact.  When we first adopted her, she often used her arm to shield her eyes when people tried to look at her. For the past 5 years, when she has looked at us, she's not really looking.  I used to call it "exotic" or "pensive" or "dreamy" or just simply "the look."  It was like she was looking through me or with a gaze that was just about 10 degrees off.   Now we know it was just her way of "going somewhere else."  I did a quick search of some old pictures which illustrate the point perfectly (it took me less than 5 minutes to find these which tells you how many there were to choose from).

With my sister about 6 months post adoption

Very newly adopted.  This was her look almost 24 hours/day for a good 2 weeks

2 years post adoption.  She's just never quite "in the moment"

About 1.5 years post adoption

Last November.  Here she is a little less subtle...just covering her eyes with a piece of paper

This had become a very common look for her in pictures.  In fact I would say that in many of the pictures taken over the past 6 months she is grinning so hard her eyes are closed. 

I can't even tell you how much she has changed in the past 9 weeks.  I think we finally "get" her and she knows it.  And as a result she can finally relax.  I am sure we still have a ways to go, but I feel like I have my little girl, possibly for the first time.  Instead of silently waking up in the morning and busying herself in her room for hours, she sleepily finds her way to human contact soon after her feet hit the floor.  Connected.  Instead of lying about the riduculously obvious, she at times will come clean all on her own accord.  Connected.  Instead of keeping me near but always at arm's length, she has figured out that mom's lap is one of the best places on earth to be.  Connected.  In many ways we are discovering eachother for the first time.  She plays with my hair, smells my skin, and gives a steady stream of kisses and hugs (this is all new behavior for her).  She enjoys being carried on my hip, much the way a toddler does.  I enjoy it too, just wish my back were a little younger and a little stronger!   I love the picture at the top of this post.  She is completely engaged and genuinely enjoying the attention and our relationship.  There are still rough days but those are becoming fewer... and most importantly, I am getting glimpses of a happy, playful 6 year old girl who loves her momma.  And that is exactly where we want to be!